I think my life would be much less complicated without women. I'm not joking or trying to put any down in any way but they just cause problems. I'm looking over my last few post and none of them talk about how hard of a time I'm having running track, holding a job, and try to keep my grades up. Some days its literally I run the morning, go to school, then go to work and then to bed. The day is a like a job. But my last few post have been about how women are stressing me out, especially this 22 year old one. The lesbain one is kinda cool and my X, well she makes a case exception. But the rest of them are becoming like eugh, go away.
So I think I'm gonna focus less on them, much less as in none at all, and put my effort into school, work and track. After all, women are not the key to happiness.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Reasoning
Ok I just need to think out my reasons of why I'm done talking to her
1. Only wanting comfort. I feel that I'm just over their to comfort her when she has a problem or wants sex. So I'm nothing more than something to make her feel good.
2. Cannot give comfort. When I feel I have something I want to talk about, she never really pays attention or responds. Her excuse will be she has her own way of doing things or doesn't want to get attached. Well if you don't want to get attached, then don't call me when you have problems.
3. Things have to be her way. If its either her way or the highway then I'm choosing the highway because her way of doing things puts me through too much stress. And she obviously does not take much consideration for my feelings seeing how receptive she is when I have something to say.
4. Her constant mood swings and never knowing what she wants again, affects me adversly. And if she wants to keep closed up and keeping fight me, thats fine because I'm done with her. I don't care for her problems anymore. If asking sometimes how are you is considered a hard question, then I don't need her in my life, period.
1. Only wanting comfort. I feel that I'm just over their to comfort her when she has a problem or wants sex. So I'm nothing more than something to make her feel good.
2. Cannot give comfort. When I feel I have something I want to talk about, she never really pays attention or responds. Her excuse will be she has her own way of doing things or doesn't want to get attached. Well if you don't want to get attached, then don't call me when you have problems.
3. Things have to be her way. If its either her way or the highway then I'm choosing the highway because her way of doing things puts me through too much stress. And she obviously does not take much consideration for my feelings seeing how receptive she is when I have something to say.
4. Her constant mood swings and never knowing what she wants again, affects me adversly. And if she wants to keep closed up and keeping fight me, thats fine because I'm done with her. I don't care for her problems anymore. If asking sometimes how are you is considered a hard question, then I don't need her in my life, period.
Sex isn't worth it
I need to make a decision now. Thats three times I've left her place feeling...unwanted. And the sex has really turned into just about her. So why would I go back? With my past I've made a rule, that if I left someone's place feeling unhappy three times, then I don't go back. I don't need that kind of stress or those type of feelings in my life. The sex isn't worth it, its overrated. I can find it with other people and at the same time be happier with them.
I think thats my decision then. I know she won't ever change her depressing, self centered attitude and that is nothing I want to be around. So I'm gonna tell her I'm done, and stop talking to her. I had little emotion towards her anway so it won't really matter. I'm done trying to figure out what she wants or why she calls me over just to nap sometimes. Because she is lonely? I know she wouldn't do the same for me. So yea, I'm done with her. Thnx blog for helping me make my decision :)
I think thats my decision then. I know she won't ever change her depressing, self centered attitude and that is nothing I want to be around. So I'm gonna tell her I'm done, and stop talking to her. I had little emotion towards her anway so it won't really matter. I'm done trying to figure out what she wants or why she calls me over just to nap sometimes. Because she is lonely? I know she wouldn't do the same for me. So yea, I'm done with her. Thnx blog for helping me make my decision :)
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Confused
Ok, at this point I really don't know what this girl wants with me. She says, "I don't want a relationship and end up liking you." So then we just end up having sex. Ok no feelings, got it. But then other nights she will call me not to have sex but just to sleep with her. Ok, I thought we were going with a no attachment thing here. She is also opening up as a person more and more. She is no longer trying to be defensive even about the most insignificant thing. And to open up, it is no longer after sex or when she has had some alcholol. Its just happens.
And now I'm questioning what I want with her. I don't think she is a person I would fall in love with, or have a serious relationship with. But I never say never because the last person I fell in love with I was only going to have as a hook up but that changed. And she is graduating in december and going who knows where. I'm not going to admit this to her but I am getting feelings, especially after the sleep over. But where is this going to go? Should I stop before it gets to deep?
Another one of lives questions which I have to figure out for myself....life sux :)
And now I'm questioning what I want with her. I don't think she is a person I would fall in love with, or have a serious relationship with. But I never say never because the last person I fell in love with I was only going to have as a hook up but that changed. And she is graduating in december and going who knows where. I'm not going to admit this to her but I am getting feelings, especially after the sleep over. But where is this going to go? Should I stop before it gets to deep?
Another one of lives questions which I have to figure out for myself....life sux :)
Monday, October 02, 2006
The Fighter Friend
So I have this really good friend of mine, use to go out with, who sometimes just fights me for no apparent reason. Even when I agree with her, she is fighitng me. Like we were once having this convo on athiesm and god, and she went off on a tanget proving her point. And it wasn't until about half way throu that she realized, hey, I agree with wat you say.
But she is always trying to outsmart or know more than me. Like she sorta, but not really, got pissed when I got better grades than her first semester last year. I think she feels she is suppose to be smarter than me but I don't know why. But I am 3 years older than her and have had a lot more experience with people than she has. But she will never admit that. I don't know everything but I do know more than her. Just as someone who is 25 should know more than me, but not always true....
Thats the crazy thing about knowledge, just because a person is older doesn't mean they know more...people have the choice of choosing to learn or not.
The most rememerable story when we had an arguement about the bible. She only thought that there was only one version of the bible. I told her there was quite a few but then she got mad and just blocked me out. Later she talked to my roommate who knows about this stuff and he filled her in. But if I say it, I'm wrong. She fights me on anything about knowledge, like she has to be smarter. She tells me that colleges don't look at the SAT scores yet I work with a branch of the admissions for my college and the big thing the emphasize is SAT scores because thats one of the only ways they can compare a person with the nation. Yet of course I'm wrong and that one person in her camp who said SAT scores are not important are right. She has such a conformation bias where everything can point to what she is saying is wrong but she will look for the one little source that says she is right and go with it. CONFIRMATION BIAS.
But she has gotten better with discussions thou. I remember last year she would use no facts and just use a lot of emotions in her arguements.I feel this and I think this. When I threw in the facts, it became hard for her to argue back and she just got frustrated and then mad at me. But this year she is beginning to use more facts in her arguements but needs to drop her bias views still.
Anyway, whats a lil fight between you and your friends,
Tomorrow you'll be boys again
But she is always trying to outsmart or know more than me. Like she sorta, but not really, got pissed when I got better grades than her first semester last year. I think she feels she is suppose to be smarter than me but I don't know why. But I am 3 years older than her and have had a lot more experience with people than she has. But she will never admit that. I don't know everything but I do know more than her. Just as someone who is 25 should know more than me, but not always true....
Thats the crazy thing about knowledge, just because a person is older doesn't mean they know more...people have the choice of choosing to learn or not.
The most rememerable story when we had an arguement about the bible. She only thought that there was only one version of the bible. I told her there was quite a few but then she got mad and just blocked me out. Later she talked to my roommate who knows about this stuff and he filled her in. But if I say it, I'm wrong. She fights me on anything about knowledge, like she has to be smarter. She tells me that colleges don't look at the SAT scores yet I work with a branch of the admissions for my college and the big thing the emphasize is SAT scores because thats one of the only ways they can compare a person with the nation. Yet of course I'm wrong and that one person in her camp who said SAT scores are not important are right. She has such a conformation bias where everything can point to what she is saying is wrong but she will look for the one little source that says she is right and go with it. CONFIRMATION BIAS.
But she has gotten better with discussions thou. I remember last year she would use no facts and just use a lot of emotions in her arguements.I feel this and I think this. When I threw in the facts, it became hard for her to argue back and she just got frustrated and then mad at me. But this year she is beginning to use more facts in her arguements but needs to drop her bias views still.
Anyway, whats a lil fight between you and your friends,
Tomorrow you'll be boys again
Being the Best
Here is another year running track, and another year of being the best. I was the best coming out of high school on my team, the best for my distance in college as a freshman and also as a sophmore now. I mean who am I suppose to train with if I have no one to push me. I let other people get ahead of me on the work outs so I have someone to catch. But still I need someone who can really woop my ass in practice.
One of my teammates is really good a shorter distance, 200-400. But when it comes to middle, he's not so good and he gets lazy really easily. I might catch him this year in the 400 with the way training is going. And then for the distance, I'm getting as good as the top people on distance, better than any middle distance at this time.
And my strength has improved and is improving still at at pheonomal rate. I think its a combination of taking even easy days sorta hard and my diet. I now take centrium pill every morning, with a boost drink after my work outs. My body is recovering a lot faster thab before and can go a lot stronger. Maybe I'll be able to go pro next year. We will see how the season goes.
One of my teammates is really good a shorter distance, 200-400. But when it comes to middle, he's not so good and he gets lazy really easily. I might catch him this year in the 400 with the way training is going. And then for the distance, I'm getting as good as the top people on distance, better than any middle distance at this time.
And my strength has improved and is improving still at at pheonomal rate. I think its a combination of taking even easy days sorta hard and my diet. I now take centrium pill every morning, with a boost drink after my work outs. My body is recovering a lot faster thab before and can go a lot stronger. Maybe I'll be able to go pro next year. We will see how the season goes.
Anyway
So I've been talking to this girl for about a month, almost two. Same 22 year old I was talking to before. And now she is like a swinging door. Sometimes she opens and likes to talk and listen while other times she is like a locked up vault, might as well talk to a wall. She even told me that she does fight me at times for no apparent reason. She fights other guys too, but that is just the way she is. And yes, she purposely starts arguements, let them esculates, and then sorta sounds sorry afterwards, like I should have done this...blah blah blah etc. I'm close to saying. But when she does open up thou she is enjoyable to be around.
I notice that she is most open during certain situations. The first is when she has had a little alcholol. She is not drunk but she shows emotion. The power of alcholol, good gosh. I've found out some really interesting things when she has had a beer. She admits to having emotions. The second is when she is horny and after sex. When she is horny, talks like all day. After sex its like an open door. But its at those points where she is enjoyable to be around. But whenever she is feeling "normal", is like she is afraid to open up bc she doesn't want to be hurt.
Apparenty she has slipped out around me many times , whatever that means. But I'm gonna see what happens.
I notice that she is most open during certain situations. The first is when she has had a little alcholol. She is not drunk but she shows emotion. The power of alcholol, good gosh. I've found out some really interesting things when she has had a beer. She admits to having emotions. The second is when she is horny and after sex. When she is horny, talks like all day. After sex its like an open door. But its at those points where she is enjoyable to be around. But whenever she is feeling "normal", is like she is afraid to open up bc she doesn't want to be hurt.
Apparenty she has slipped out around me many times , whatever that means. But I'm gonna see what happens.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)