Last night I woke again at 3 in the morning.

I kept but just contemplate the existence of myself and the oncoming end that I face. Questions keep running through my mind like why must it end? Am I to be like everyone before me? The thought no longer scares me, instead I think about it intensley.

So I got up and went outside to just stare at the night sky. I wish the moon was out, I sure do miss the moon. And I just stood there, enjoying the warm freeze, listening to the sound of crickets, watching the frogs hop around. And I thought to really think am I happy, will I ever be truly happy? As it says in the declarations, "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Does that mean has a human, like those 200 years before me, would never truly find happiness. I could pursue it until my days numbered but would I ever reach it?

I use to think happiness was when I was in Mexico just enjoying myself when I wanted nothing. I use to think it was when I had Ginger, Sophie, a home not only at home but at the nature center. But everything I gone now and moved to some other place. Yes I have friends here but am I happy? I can only surmise sometimes yes, sometimes no.

So now I'm about to make major changes in my life again. Haha, nothing new at all. But this time I will follow through on every one of them.