Her Last Email

Her Last email
"it's predictible because you just got on the attack. you say you forgive me but you're being rude and sarcastic with me now. the only reason i dont' forgive you is because i know what you think of me and i see you as condescending and arrogant. and not as smart as you think. i'm not ready to forgive that yet. so i won't block you as long as you leave me alone, which i think you will, if you've truly forgiven me. if youw ant the last word, cuz you think i always insist on having it, then go ahead. its yours. say one more thing."

She also calls me condescending.

If she truly has matured and grown then should could put me in my place and show me she's deserve the respect of being treated as an equal. Make me feel like I have no right to be condesecnding. Many point in my life, people treated me like I didn't deserve a certain respect, so I step up to them and show them the opposite. But I spent most my life outside of Edgemont so I'm more accustomed to the real world and realize I will have to do this time and time again. Me earning my respect is what is getting me the Internship at IBM, not my GPA. I don't know if she can and she probably won't. Again, not my problem though, everyone has their limitations.

And just thought, that is what has seperated us. When someone says I can't do something, that motivates me to prove them wrong, its like a challenge. You test me and I will answer and try to beat any expectations set before me.

In her case, she does not like being tested or challenged. She would always get mad at me when she thought I was testing in, in which many times I wasn't. And its not be mean or condescending, but its true.

Maybe I should just try to be nice and just apologize and be sincere. Communication without sarcasim, belittling hidden meaning or agendas. Just real honest communication. Thats something else I need to work up to. Gotta remember what I said in my last my post.

Regardless of how I feel about a person, if they show me they deserve respect, then they will get respect. If you want it but can't earn it, then why do you deserve it.

But I do feel bad of some of things I do say about her and I probably shouldn't. She does take things in stride though. I've always noticed that she may not be very sensitive towards how someone else may feel, but she herself and her feelings, she is sensitive. Maybe if she showed me she was sensitve a little bit more often instead of always trying to play tough girl, maybe I would have understood when I was hurting her and would have stopped. It takes a strong person to say, "what you said really hurt me". But if the points are true, can you really not like a person for saying it? It may really matter how everything is said. The one thing she has to learn and understand that forgiving me and not hating me is not going to be easy. It wasn't easy for me. Once she understands that and accepts it then she will be able too. The choice between what is right versus what is easy is never something easy, if it was then everybody would just do it. Thats probably more along the lines of what I should have said to her last night.

"Its my turn,
I demand my respect,
Give me my burn,
or get slammed to your neck."