The More I Grow the More they seem to stay the same

The niggaz I grew up with. Have been 'fam always, even when I was down south in college or so I thought. To put things in perspective, my perception of the world has always been a different one. From 17-18 I've been talking about makin moving, creating something so I can retire at 25 if I wanted. Big dreamer you can say and niggaz have always been doubting me.

BTW. I generally never use nigger but only in this point to accentuate the point.

So 18-23, I've been down South and I get back and get mad love but is it real? I come back waiting too see how far people have gotten, how they've changed, their plans for the future. And what do I find? Why the fuck is everyone still the same?

K still has been successfully dropping in and out of community college. Same job, still living with his parents.

M still has the same way of thinking, small. I said back then I'm going to retire at 25. He said no way. I said now I'm ready to move out after I make $5,000 a month, he said thats a lot not going to happen. I'm already at $4,000.

G still at home. Hanging out with the same crowd who is still doing the same thing. Actually he said to me he missed learning since he graduated and I'm thinking "you don't need college to learn". Spoke to him once, just tried get up with him but never return my calls.

Z doesn't really ask how I am doing. She seems more focused on how she can put it no work but become succesfully with me. You want to be a partner but what have you done?

S....this dude still going into the same bad areas where he got stabbed and robbed before...why? Nigga you grew up the suburbs, stay yo ass there. And you can ask me to come up to you and go up to bars in your town but can't come up my way too see me....

D...wnats to go in hard but brings nothing to the table. No ideas, no skills, no money. He may have the hunger but lacks the frame of mind.

And then people look at me like we want to be where your at, put us on. And I'm tired of putting people on. When I was down, no one gave me hope, pushed me along, lifted me up. I was told by A that "yea I was planning on helping you but I figured you could help yourself". Whenever I leave a comment on Facebook, especially those involving self-empowerment and education, people don't respond. I don't get the likes and comments. Then you come out with your hands out wanting something, ready to ride my wave when you put nothing into it? I don't mean nothing into as just monetary. I can say I give two shits about the monetary, I look for support. Where was your support when I was broke, lonely, hungry and pulling another allnighter?

Don't get it twisted. Its not the I feel all high and mighty about myself and not willing to share. Its just that I've given so much before and received to little in return, why should I give more now?

If you think I have a lot of hate, you are absolutely right, I do. I might surpass my brother's hate. But I'm going to let that become my motivation something positive and let success be a reason for shitting on people. Bad, I know.

I guess how I feel right now is

"A lot of niggaz scheamin, some real, some niggaz frontin

But I'm a big dreamer, so watch me come up with somethin"