Her Again

I Don't Know What It Is?

I want to sit down and discuss what actually is the real reason that we fight? I know its not closely because we have gone everday with seeing each other, and its not pesonailtiy differences like she say...thats to much of some movie reason. But I can't figure it out unless I can talk to her.

And the thing is, I really do care for her, thats why she still around. I don't think she takes me serously when I say I don't give other girls chances. Thats probably why my only other real friends who are girls are Sarah and RayRay. I love them both. Other girlss they mess up and there done, its that simple.

And I don't know about her, but I just see it as a phase. We have these times where we just mesh so well together, like we're like glue. Where ever I am, she is and vice versa. But its like at other times we can't be in the same town. And that really perplexes me.

The things I wish most from her is that she would just drop her guard and open up. She doesn't like to show any feelings or emotions because that is weakness and a loss of power. She does like control of a situation and sometimes when I give it to her just takes some things a lil to far...

But she is learning and growing all the time. Many of lifes experiences are going to change her even more for the better. Its funny though, you really can't tell someone in high school about how the world really is. No one could tell me back then about how life really is when you life high school. They tell you and you think you know, but you really have no idea. So I guess sometimes I push things on her that I'm use and experience in the real world that she is not. Sorta like my brother did to me, and at times I hated it. But its funny, I later thanked him for it because I realize those things he did helped me out so much later. Some day were gonna look back together and just laugh at all of this.

And another thing wish for her is to use her talents and develop them. She's a good writer because I've read her essays, they are very fluent and come together. She could be a very could playwrite but she needs to really fail first. And failure is never a bad thing because it means you don't have a choice, your going to learn something. If you always have had sucess, you get less experience. And I wish she would listen to me on some ideas about business. Like I want her to be happy, make money and do what she wants. In reality generally one of those has to go, sad but true. But some of her career choices I fear that it will be very difficult for her to make money. And money is not everything, just those with it are happier than those without it.

One thing I dislike that she does is never take my advice that serously, but I guess thats all teenagers. Like when I tell her about good colleges to go to, she says no. I don't know why but I'm not telling her about these schools for my health, but because these schools I present to her are top rated and have a much better of being successful after college. Oh and another I dislike is when she puts her self down. She really is smart and really can get into very good schools, and I don't know if she sees it but me and her mom both do. And it really does bother me when she says things like "I can't get into NorthEastern or other very good schools."

But for her I changed a lot of my behavior. I no longer say things like "Idc" or anything like I'm going to get rid of her anytime soon. I'm not so I stopped saying things like. I also know try to stay calm as possible, even when she is attacking me because I don't want to fight her. I watch what I say more to her and don't just blurt out extremely hurtful things because I'm everything. Basically I've brought everything with her down to how she treats me. I change for her because...I want her there, in my life. I'm not sure if I really have a closer friend.

But when she doesn't have an adoloscent attitude, she really is a sweet and kind person. Enjoyable to be around. I really do miss those days when we could just sit in the same room together and enjoy each other companies again without words. I miss that the most.

But I'm sure everything will be, just another phase.

Gotta be optimistic.