Evil

Can I keep from becoming evil?

She was a really important person in my life. If she is gone, then is it like everything else?

I always look forward to talking to her. She kept me calm, stable, a good reason that everyone else in this world besides ur parents weren't just assholes. People are such social beings and depend on each other socially too. They have the ability to change each other lives. A nice thing can change a persons whole day compared to one nasty thing done to them. One person has the ability to change the view of the world for another person. I think the best example is daughters. I've seen a man having a daughter(sometimes a son) change that persons personality dramatically. Its a good feeling to love and be loved in return.

But in college, everything is just socially fake layer of nice. People are tactful lets say. They aren't really ur friends but keep up a good relationship with you. Their acquantinces, thats the word. But with her, I felt so much love, I never felt that before. And I have to say at times she was my better half.

And its hard for me to love people. They really have to be genuine, in which she as at first and still is at times, but sometimes she isn't but I could deal with that.

But without her...its just reinenforcing the way I was before. No one truly loves you in this world, eventually they all will end up leaving you. So now my question is wat do I become? Do I become like I was before, just caring about myself and no one else. Like all the other people I know who really don't care about other people. People are here for the moment and then there gone and that is w/e.

If I became cold again, I would have to go through these feelings I have right now. These feelings that make me whole yet hurt me at the same time time. Are they really worth it?