Tired

I'm tired of opening up and then just getting hurt again.

I can no longer be mad. It doesn't suit me, it doesn't change anything.

She cancelled plans again. The reason is because she is tired. She sleeps her life away, never realizing what is truly important, or maybe I'm not that important. But each time I think about just having a good time with her, she ruins it. I don't know how many times I've heard, "I don't want to because I'm tired" or "I just don't want to go or do anything". Well I'm tired of just waiting for her.

My brother told me that you can only wait for a person for so long, to bring them to her level. I'm tired of waiting for her. I can't even talk to her anymore. Anything deep or a conversation that requires thought, she avoids. I tried to make things better between us by asking her why can I do to help us stop fighting. She just avoids it. I can't deal with someone like that anymore. A person can only avoid something for so long. I can't have serious conversations with her. She is too busy and stuck in her own lil world. She avoids the issues at hand, she can't deal with them.

I could have made plans to go to my brothers tonight. I wanted to go see him but then Ginger said we would watch a movie so I decided to cancel going to see him. Now she is sleeping and I'm just stuck her again. And she gets annoyed when people cancel plans on her but it seems ok to cancel it on other people.

So basically I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of imagining a wonderful time and almost each time have it ruined by "I'm tired" or "I don't want to" or "I made other plans by mistake after we already made plans". I'm tired of opening up and then just getting rejected. I'm not gonna feel that way anymore. I shouldn't. No one else I know cancels plans like she does, and for reasons because I'm tired at 6:00. Something might be seriously wrong with her. But thats for the next person to figure out. I'm tired of going the extra step for her and getting rejected in the end. This morning when I heard the weather report while in bed, it said it was 11 degrees outside. And I thought, I didn't want her walking in that kinda cold, she shouldn't have too. So I get up and bring her to school. Now its night time and she's tired.

I can do that but she can't send me a card in two months. You shouldn't....no its wrong to deal with someone like that, to say you love someone like that. I never feel like I'm treated right.

No more excuses.

I want to live my life, see what the world holds. There is so much more than sleeping, reading and watching movies. I'm tired of just talking online. I'm tired of being let down.

But I'm sure once she reads this, she won't care anymore. Thats like her, she hates being wrong, she has to much pride, she hates taking responsibility for her actions towards others.


I'm sorry Ginger....

I truly am sorry