Now whats happening

So we decided on a week of not talking to see what happens between us.

I'm trusting her to unblock me after I week, I hope I am right in placing my trust in her.

But its wierd. She says she has no emotion left. I don't think thats it, I think she is trying to get rid of it. We've been fighting a lot lately, a lot a lot. Just shit has been happening. And it esculates onto a certian level. So I think this break will allow things to cool down between us.

And yea I know I still have feeling for her. I've been with a bunch of girls and its like, they don't make me feel the way I do when I'm with her, except Lisa. But she has a boyfriend in Mexico. And plus, we had major fighting before, stopped talking for like a month and a half, then started talking again, then it became intimate again. So I'm not sure where it is head but I'm not gonna lie, I do hope to be intimate with her.

Being intimate is a responsbility that I am willing to deal with but not about her. But the feeling is good. It was good lying on her bed doing my work while she did her work on the computer. It was good hooking up, and it was going out, it was good knowing we had each other to rely on. I don't think all of that can go away just like that like she claims, I think its just the fighting for now.

And its not that I have to move on and not love her, other women can come and go. Its just that I can still lover her the same and be with other women. That might be where we really differ. Or she just might not be ready for anything intimate yet. She said today in the car, don't ever talk about marriage because I'm still a kid. She really might still be a kid and thats the problem. I really don't talk to anyone else in high school because they are just immature. Its hard to relate when ur in college, everything is different, but they don't realize it. I didn't when i was in high school and my other peers didn't either. But I have seen her mature apast her peers, I guess partly because she talks to me.

But anway, one week and we'll see if things are the same, better or worse between us on any level.

And in all honesty, I want to see her happy. I guess she is ever been she never really says she happy except when she is at camp. I remember at convo we had before, and she said she felt ok at home. I guess maybe I tried to make her happy and that is what did it. Maybe I can't make her happy but she feel ok. I think true happiness for herself lies within herself. I tried my best but I guess it wasn't enough. There is no telling what the future holds for us right now.