Sleep

Sleep easin the pain.

So I don't have to think about it. But I can't sleep to much or I'll become like her. Sleep makes you feel good but nothing is accomplished in sleep. Sleep is just away to avoid things. I'm to strong to avoid things.

And each time I wake up now, I get more apethtic, should this be happening?

Where am I going?

Am I really going to become like Ernest and Jasmine with the whole don't give a fuck attitude? Are we all gonna have the same reason for being the same way? Was it inevitable?

12:23:02 AM cluelessnoobie: alright u tell me if i'm wrong for this
12:24:11 AM cluelessnoobie: my X and I had quite a few fights, some of them were like we made plans to go out, and then plans changed, but she never called me to tell me they change, so then I have to call her, like 30 min after we suppose to me to find out that she couldn't go to the movies anymore and I got mad at her for that
12:24:34 AM cluelessnoobie: 30 min after we were suppose to meet
12:24:47 AM lilquicksilver: dman
12:24:50 AM lilquicksilver: damn
12:24:59 AM lilquicksilver: she shouldve told ya sooner
12:25:02 AM cluelessnoobie: and then she says I shouldn't get mad at her for that
12:25:27 AM lilquicksilver: man u should be a little mad cuz she should have said something
12:25:43 AM cluelessnoobie: aight
12:25:53 AM lilquicksilver: yea u aint wrong
12:26:07 AM cluelessnoobie: ok, but she saying i am for things like that
12:26:34 AM lilquicksilver: well
12:27:12 AM lilquicksilver: i mean u can get mad cuz she aint tell u what was going on but. well she should have told u cuz if u did it to her she would be pissed to
12:28:24 AM cluelessnoobie: aight, but it don't even matter anymore
12:28:34 AM lilquicksilver: tru tru
12:28:47 AM lilquicksilver: hey u gotta do what u gotta do
12:29:00 AM cluelessnoobie: isn't that the true
12:29:04 AM cluelessnoobie: *truth
12:29:30 AM lilquicksilver: yup dats what i did with my ex
12:29:40 AM lilquicksilver: there aint time for bull shit if she fuckin up den its that time
12:30:12 AM cluelessnoobie: word yo, time aint forever, and once its gone u can't get it back
12:30:22 AM lilquicksilver: tru dat

And I hate casting blame, but she says we can't work. But here a lot of the times she was in the wrong, not me. But I don't think she will ever accept what she does as wrong. All the fights we had were really because of her neglagance. I think she might have actually planned them out, she wanted this to happen. And no matter how hard I tried, she made it enivitable.

And yesterday, it bet she will blame it all on me. Once again we made plans to go out. I was suppose to pick her up at 2:30 and go see some puppies, then lunch, then a movie. Well her plans got messed up and she ended up calling me at 2:00 to pick her home from her house. That was fine. We went and saw the puppies. I was starving because I didn't go to lunch because that as in the plan. Then she says she already ate and didn't want to go. Then she didn't want to go a movie. So I took her to a few stores she wanted to go to. Then she said lets see the movie, before we went into barnes and noble. Then coming out she didn't want to again. She turned the whol day into her and what she wanted to do. Its always about her, she is selfish, I'm sorry to say. Again plans made were ruined, and it wasn't by me. But of course she'll make an excuse and try to blame me.

I think she has some other deep issues to that I can't help her with. She is unusually obstinate toward many things. She can't pick out a movie because of a whole bunch of reasons she wouldn't want to see them. She is very closed minded toward a lot of thing, ironically which is one of her pet peeves. Like she didn't want to go to the Saint Patrick Day parade because she's not Irish. So what, just go to enjoy the parade, everyone goes to have fun whether they are Irish or not. She's missin out on so much on life and I don't think she realizes it. And she has controlling issues. She has to be in control of everything. Whenever she loses control, it like she loses her mind and becomes more obstinate. And her sleeping is unusual too. Its like a depressed person sleeping. Is that it? Is she depressed and that is why all this happening now? Is she like her mom who she says has depression problems also? If thats true, then there is probably nothing I could do, and can be do now to help her. And she stays home alone an unusual amount. Even on saturdays and fridays. Its like OCD studying. There is a lot of signs going up.

Maybe I should have realized she may have had other problems. Do I care enough anymore to possibly help her? I don't know, I'm making myself numb sorta like she did. Before I would do anything for her, but now....Maybe it is her childhood which makes her like she is sometimes. So maybe me trying to be happy with her and make her happy was something I could never do.